Hands clammy. Throat clogged. Blood rushing into my cheeks. Frantic breathing—each inhale weaving its way through the shards of my broken heart after leaving home that morning. All of this—paired with freshman fear—as I sat on the 4th-floor lounge of Stanley and tuned into my first Zoom meeting for Iowa Edge.

I don’t want to do this. I want to go home. I’m scared.

The urge to cry only grew with the homesickness.

What if no one likes me?

I didn’t want to do the next four days of activities the program had set up for us. At first glance, a Scavenger Hunt and Awards Show looked closer to a horror story than a cause for celebration. But for the semester hour I was receiving, I needed to participate. I needed to go out of my comfort zone and step into the light. I needed to be open.

And I’m happy to say that despite my reluctance, it was all worth it.

But before I get into what made my first Iowa experience so memorable, let me give you some background on the University of Iowa and the Iowa Edge program.

So, what is Iowa Edge?

Iowa Edge is a University of Iowa program which allows students of color, LGBTQ+ students, and first-generation students to meet one another and help transition them into college over a four-day course. During the four days, you meet with faculty who are designed to help marginalized communities, tour buildings with resources available for students at a disadvantage and participate in seminars meant to create an emotional connection between your peers.

To emphasize why the Iowa Edge program is so important, we must look into demographics. Back in 2020, there were only 961 first-year students who were people of color. There were 971 students who were first-generation, 69 students representing international countries, and an unknown number of students who identified as a member of the LGBTQ community (we can make the assumption this was few and far between). With a first-year student body of 22,405, these students paled in comparison to the whole. Walking around campus and finding people who look or have been through similar circumstances is difficult when these numbers are so small—hence why Iowa Edge was created.

So, by now you may be wondering why I joined the Iowa Edge program and why I was so scared leading up to it.

I’m half Chinese and grew up in a predominantly white town in New York. Throughout high school, I wasn’t friends with many minorities. The Iowa Edge program was an opportunity for me to make those crucial bonds in a place where I was already at a disadvantage of being from out-of-state. And honestly, I wanted that easy semester hour.

But after waking up at 4am, sobbing as I left my house for the last time, having my flight delayed three times, and coming to a place where my life was going to completely change, I was drained. I wanted to go home. I wanted the comfort of my warm bed and hugging my cats. But thankfully, I stuck it out. And because of that, I made what I hope are lifelong friends.

There were so many events the program hosted for us, but I’ll give you my personal favorites.

Surprisingly, I loved the Scavenger Hunt (except for the 90-degree weather!). My peer leader (his name is Chris) was paired with three other peer leaders and their groups, and together, the twenty of us went across both the East and West side of campus. Our peer leaders showed us multiple places on campus where we’ll have our classes, easy routes to take to save time, and my personal favorite, the cultural houses. Each one was stunning and equipped to help specific communities which are underrepresented on campus. They had couches for napping, board games, a kitchen, and even free printing. But overall, they are designed to give students a place they can find others just like them and build everlasting friendships.

Another aspect of the Scavenger Hunt I liked despite the walking, sweating, huffing, and puffing, was the chance to finally talk to some other members of Iowa Edge. We had so much in common—ranging from high school trauma to what Ted Talks we would conduct—and I was grateful to make some friends who seemed just as nervous and eager to meet me as I was to meet them.

And to add to making connections, one of the most emotional events we participated in was a seminar called “If I Had to Choose.” With our quad, we were placed in a conference room with signs on the wall saying race, (dis)ability, religion, social class, emotional/developmental maturity, and more. For two hours, our peer leaders asked us questions and had us stand under which word resonated most with the question asked. And then, students would recount why they chose the word and how it applied to their life.

For two hours, I listened to people revisit aspects of their life that brought them the most pain, joy, despair, and even guilt. They were vulnerable and let themselves finally talk about the things they had never gotten a chance to talk about before—and even better, got a chance to talk to people who were able to understand those things. For the first time, some of us realized we weren’t alone. There was a community right in front of us, and thanks to Iowa Edge, we were able to find each other.

During the seminar, I shared a lot about my life. I was able to peel away the protective layers I’d put up like paint and let the white canvas underneath shine through. It felt good to be around people I knew would understand my struggles. For the first time since I’d been in Iowa, I felt like I belonged. All because we were able to connect emotionally and dive deep below the surface level.

The last highlight of my Iowa Edge experience was the Hawkeye Spirit Awards held at Hancher Auditorium. It was a farewell to the program with speeches, fun chants, and opportunities to take pictures with the Iowa River winding in the background. Through it all, like a car driving back and forth on a dotted line, my emotions raced between joyful and bittersweet. I was glad the program was over (the tight schedule was making my feet ache from all the walking) but on the other hand, still felt as if I could spend another week hanging with my new friends at Iowa Edge.

But my peer leader said something very interesting to me on the first day we were together, and I didn’t believe him until the very end of the program. He said—

“Even after being here four years, all of my friends are from Iowa Edge.”

In the moment, the twenty strangers standing around me were nothing more than that—just a bunch of strangers. But Chris was right, Iowa Edge has the ability to create long-lasting friendships. Even after Edge ended, I would always have a community of people lifting me up, supporting me as I stepped onto the first rung of my college experience, and cheering me on as I began the momentous climb up the next ladder of my life.

So, if you are an incoming first-year student, and you feel as if Iowa Edge might be something for you, I encourage you to take the chance. Because the worse thing that can happen is a couple new friends, and personally, I think that’s a little more rewarding than a lousy semester hour!