Yes I realize it is now Wednesday and I’m four days late on my topic, but until I start getting some comments, I’m just going to roll with it.

For those of you who actually read this blog and don’t know, there is something special that happens before every single Iowa football game, whether it be in the beautiful Iowa City area, Tucson, or outside the Orange Bowl; the legendary, the outrageous, the obscene, the HI-LARIOUS, Iowa tailgate.

There’s absolutely nothing better. NOTHING

Being of the legal age, I myself intake a few adult beverages and enjoy the friends around me (sure, sometimes we “Ice” one or two of them, but hey, when you are told a time to be at a tailgate, be at the tailgate! Just a warning for you youngsters out there). But it isn’t the booze that makes these tailgates unforgettable, it’s the people you spend them with and the ol’ cliche “memories you make with them”.

Take this weekend for example. I, along with my buddy Bryce, and his friend from back home, woke up at 5:30, got ready for the longggggggggg day, and jumped into his Jeep at little after 6:30 to find a spot for the day.

One mile away, and 20 dollars later the festivities were in full fledged mode.

I should have known right away that the place we parked (and I will keep that location between me and my fellow tailgaters as to not embarrass some people I will soon discuss) was a little, lets say, odd.  There were some things that happened to my friends and I this weekend that I’ve never seen before.  It was as if we parked in “I’ve got an awesome Tailgate story for you” Heaven.

For starters, when we arrived, the tailgate party around us pretty much dropped everything but their Jell-o shots and classy beer to watch us three boys put together a grill. The staring continued until we left.

Shorty after, I had a lovely and respectable 31 year old woman (from said tailgate), with two kids (She was an Iowa State fan) think I was 27 years of age, and date-able.  When I proceeded to inform her that I was, in fact only 21, she not so secretly discussed with her sister that I was in fact “legal” and that “my age doesn’t really matter in this day and age” (and for those of you wondering, “OMG this woman had two kids at a tailgate at seven in the morning while she was drunk and hitting on a 21 year old”, have no fear.  Her children, as she quickly informed me, were with a grandmother and her ex husband; which was acceptable because, and I quote, “momma needed a day off to drink”.) Real winner, I know (again she was an Iowa State fan).

The fun doesn’t stop there.  Bryce’s buddy (I’ll spare him a shout out, because this is kind of embarrassing) was harassed by my “charming, 31 year old, mother of three’s” lovely sister, who tried everything in the book to do the “hippity dippity” with him right there on the grass. I mean this girl tried free Jell-o shots, she tried being sexy when she walked, she tried sitting on his lap, hell she looked like she wanted to try licking his face.

If that was not enough, the two sisters had a chain smoking mother that seemed to be taking pictures of her daughters communicating badly with us “strapping young COLLEGE STUDENTS” (if I end up on the Internet somehow for that, I will find you ma’am).

With the addition of our friends finally showing up (FINALLY) the ladies got the hint, which we had been trying to convey in numerous ways all morning long… “Ladies, we’re just not that into you”. (Note: Under the gracious God in the sky, at no point did we lead these ladies on in anyway shape imaginable.)

Oh but the fun doesn’t end there.

A woman across the street had to be carried away on a stretcher (guarded by police officers) while screaming what seemed to be the chorus to the LMFAO’s “Shots” (you know the song, “SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS……”.  The only problem was that when she was screaming the words, it sounded more like “COPS, COPS, COPS, COPS, COPS”).

Three men walked out of a Port-a-John (how they fit and used the bathroom at the same time is still beyond me), and my friend Bryce found the girl of his dreams waiting in line for said Port-a-John’s (her name, the Whizzer).

I met the kid at the beginning of all the Iowa Hawkeye Football videos on Youtube.com (yes, the kid with the sunglasses, a backwards cap who always yells “AAAAAAHHHHAAAAAA” while flicking a bedazzled and sparkling shirt.) Funny, that was the very outfit he was wearing at the tailgate.

There was plenty more that happened, that well, I just can’t remember for one reason or another (wink).

So to bring this semi long post to a close, Iowa tailgating cannot be beat, kind of like our football team. BOOM!

As always, On Iowa, and Go Hawks!

-Jer