Hello Everyone,
One of the things that everyone tells you is, “In college you will find your forever people,” so I just assumed freshman year would be where I found every one of my bridesmaids (me saying this as a single girl is silly, but you get it). But actually, I recently realized that thinking I would find every important person at age 19 is wild because I had so much to learn.
I am such a people pleaser, and I want to make everyone happy. I am a giver too; I love giving my time and energy to people. I want to be enough, and so I found it in friendships in my first few years of college. I had to learn that letting go is OK. I truly believe friends should be contacting you as much as you contact them, or they should want to spend time with you. I lost friends after 3 months of thinking we were gonna be there for each other; it really devastated me. But looking back now, I see how we were never truly friends, and THAT IS OK! Now I have no discontent towards those people. I hope they make all their dreams come true. We just didn’t fit into each other’s lives.
Anyway, let’s get back to how these last few years of college have really proven that you will honestly make stronger friendships. I believe that’s because I have finally grown a little and definitely am better at setting boundaries. I have mental rules for friendships and think everyone should have those. I try to make sure I am not the only one reaching out to spend time together. I also make sure I have at least one check-in every week or so.
I also am participating in workout classes and work a job I love where people show each other genuine support. I am finding ways to give myself time. So even if someone reaches out asking to spend time, and it’s my allotted time for myself, I ask to spend time together later. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with people, but I need time to decompress and breathe.
Lastly, I am giving myself grace. Having OCD, anxiety, and depression can be hard in any friendship. I am very aware that it can really make me unpredictable and overwhelmed in friendships. Recently, I have stopped letting myself spiral and think they all hate me. I write down what I like about them. This way, when I am telling myself I don’t belong or deserve friends, I remind myself that they chose to invite me. I am not pushing in, and I belong. I hope this helps you if you struggle in your first year like I did. Don’t worry, you are not alone, and there are so many people in this world who want you around and are waiting with open arms.
Cheers,
Rose
