What Will be the Prince’s New Name?

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Thanks to the excitement about the birth of a child yesterday, I briefly considered writing a serious post about how radical we are as a country. About how we’re a nation that values meaningless royalty or school shootings, and everything else is simply background noise while we eat dinner. Giving an abundance of news coverage to the Prince of Cambridge is like devoting 50% of the evening news to a new attraction that opened up at Disney World, right?

Maybe that should all go without saying. Instead, here are some of the most likely names, what I think about them, and some new name ideas I have that are definitely way better:



AlexanderMore epic, but we could still do better.

How about?!

Skipper (or) Gilligan (or) The Professor (or) Mary Ann Summers – As the ultimate compensation for all of humanity, the Duke and Duchess should name their child after a character from one of the best shows I used to watch on nick@nite.

Bob/Randy – Maybe it’s time to add a more humble tone to the royal court. Sure, it wouldn’t sell as many t-shirts at the gift shop, but you’d better believe any merchandise reading “All Hail King Bob/Randy” would sell like hotcakes online because of what kids these days call the “lolz.”

Diana – It could be funny. I’m just saying, since it’s a boy, this could be really funny.

Adam – If you wanna win me over into all this reality-TV-esque crap, they should name the kid after me. I might not roll my eyes as much.

(This post will become obsolete within a week’s time.)