Adam

Thanks to the excitement about the birth of a child yesterday, I briefly considered writing a serious post about how radical we are as a country. About how we’re a nation that values meaningless royalty or school shootings, and everything else is simply background noise while we eat dinner. Giving an abundance of news coverage to the Prince of Cambridge is like devoting 50% of the evening news to a new attraction that opened up at Disney World, right?

Maybe that should all go without saying. Instead, here are some of the most likely names, what I think about them, and some new name ideas I have that are definitely way better:

George – Cliche.

James – Bleh.

Alexander – More epic, but we could still do better.

How about?!

Skipper (or) Gilligan (or) The Professor (or) Mary Ann Summers – As the ultimate compensation for all of humanity, the Duke and Duchess should name their child after a character from one of the best shows I used to watch on nick@nite.

Bob/Randy – Maybe it’s time to add a more humble tone to the royal court. Sure, it wouldn’t sell as many t-shirts at the gift shop, but you’d better believe any merchandise reading “All Hail King Bob/Randy” would sell like hotcakes online because of what kids these days call the “lolz.”

Diana – It could be funny. I’m just saying, since it’s a boy, this could be really funny.

Adam – If you wanna win me over into all this reality-TV-esque crap, they should name the kid after me. I might not roll my eyes as much.

(This post will become obsolete within a week’s time.)

The Boston bomber’s senior picture – and it does look like a high school senior picture – covering the most recent issue of Rolling Stone Magazine has proven provocative, to say the least. Several retailers have refused to place the issue on their shelves. A lot of people are mad. I’m pretty mad. But let’s take a step outside the box, use that freshman rhetoric, and analyze what’s really happening here. Is Rolling Stone an evil publication?

Maybe.

Are they glorifying  murder on a public stage? Yes. Are they giving another option to young, pathetic lunatics hiding in their rooms, planning a less-than-admirable way to get their “beautiful” mugshot seen by everyone? Yes. Should they instead be glorifying the national outreach that rushed to help victims of the attack? Yes.  Are they selling magazines?

Yes.

I don’t know about the reader, but the last time I bought a magazine at a newsstand was when I was about to board a plane to spend a month in Europe. Dropping five dollars on something that would end up rotting in my backpack only made sense because I could rationalize not needing American money anymore. Would I regularly buy one on the way to work? Hell no.

In the exact same way that Time got people’s attention by putting a nose-less woman on their cover, Rolling Stone is enticing people to stop and look. It’s tough times for the magazine industry, so putting a murderer’s face on the cover of your publication is a great marketing move – albeit a seemingly horrible PR one. People who don’t subscribe to Rolling Stone rush to own a “piece of history” like the “scandalous” cover photo. Plus, good luck not hearing about it in the news for the next three weeks.

Rolling Stone featuring the Boston bomber’s face on the cover of their magazine seems like a far cry from the typical talent they display (although, they have featured Snooki…). But it’s really not. It’s all been about selling copies. People don’t want to buy magazines because of heroes anymore. They’d rather read about a new breed of lazy and demented celebrities. They’d rather learn about villains.

(Seriously, do you think he has that picture in wallet sizes? All I have is this one of him in front of a Camaro, but I know it’s not his car.)

When was the last time you saw someone protesting something on campus and made fun of them in your head?

Have you?

More importantly, does that make you a bad person?

For one reason or another, I was recently talking to a friend about feminism and recent feminist happenings. We casually discussed our thoughts, how we saw things going, etc. Near the end of the discussion, I was introduced to the idea of “womyn,” a respelling of the word woman/women in order to remove any sort of historically hierarchical relationship between males and females. I’ve tried to Google the actual connection of the two words – man and woman – but can’t find anything concrete about it, which helps to clarify my reaction.

I laughed. A lot.

I don’t stand for gender inequality – as I hope no one would – but to someone who uses  “woman” as purely a word without more than its simple definition,  it came across as ridiculous. Someone actually constructed a way for me to sound awful without my knowing it. Someone decided that I should be a bad person.

It wasn’t laughter spawned from some fictional, evil part inside of me that thinks women should – for no logical reason – get paid less than men and face other unfair disadvantages. It was the kind of laughter that happens when I see a middle-aged person harassing a 16-year-old cashier about an expired coupon at HyVee. Nothing more, nothing less.

Once I calmed down, my friend asked why I had found the idea so funny. I explained that some people are what I would call “nut-jobs.” But then I realized that although they might seem obnoxious or in-your-face, we kind of need those sorts of people. They remind us that problems exist. That something’s wrong. Plus, we’ve all been that way at some point in our lives, so who am I to make fun of them?

At the same time, it’s this radical behavior that can also gimp progress made by a social movement like pro-feminism. At the most extreme level, when a group gets violent to gain what it wants, it loses respect very quickly. More often than not, anyone who represents a group in a radical form might behave in a way that only slightly harasses or may come across as annoying, and that’s a subjective decision to make. To use the feminist idea as a continuing example, I can respect the fact that, legally and socially, women shouldn’t be lesser in any way. I applaud when the group wins cases in court that lead to fair pay and stronger sexual harassment laws, or when a female celebrity acts as a positive role model about body image. I’ll vote for someone who stands for those kinds of fixes. However, when someone says I’m a bad person for using what is – in a contemporary setting – a harmless word, I forget what’s actually being accomplished. Even if it’s just for a second, it’s easier to pay attention to the person yelling at me.

So…the point is…

The next time you see someone on campus preaching something or protesting for something in a way that comes across as ridiculous, go ahead and laugh to yourself. If they’re behaving in a way that hurts the credibility of a worthy cause, they’re not really worth taking seriously. In fact, learning to ignore this kind of radical behavior actually helps show respect for the issue being rallied for. Learn about what a movement is trying to do before judging. If you see someone on the street screaming about how “woman” is an evil word into the ears of passersby and you think they’re crazy, you’re not judging feminism. You’re judging that individual person.

Democratic Senator Wendy Davis has been blowing up all over the news and internet lately for her 11+ hour filibuster used to stall voting on a controversial abortion bill in Texas. If you’re just getting back from a two-week trip of eating blubber in your cabin that sits on the arctic circle , a quick Google search will get you caught up. Whatever your political affiliation is, it’s impossible to ignore the fact: Wendy Davis is one of the toughest people we’ve seen in awhile. Can you think of the last time you did anything for 11 hours straight? I can’t mindlessly sit on Facebook for 11 hours, let alone argue a point and remain standing on my feet. Needless to say, she’s tough like blue jeans… or rawhide and barbed wire or something… Texas…

Quick lesson:

A filibuster is a political move usually used to run out the clock on a topic before it can be voted on, effectively prolonging or preventing a political motion from going through. There are a number of rules you have to follow – laid out somewhere in a rulebook – and as long as you remain within these restraints, you’re allowed to speak to your heart’s content. Basic requirements include staying standing (you’ll want comfy shoes), and staying on topic for the entirety of the speech, or you’ll be cut off.

Spice it up!

Why keep this wonderful tactic stuck in the chamber? Why not break out a fun filibuster to eat up time during a meeting? Or entertain guests at a party? Maybe all your friends want to go see the new Superman movie tonight at nine and you’d like to actually enjoy using 12 dollars.

Here are some tips to help you filiBUST the filibuster blues.

1. Consider dressing yourself up in nothing but body paint. You’re gonna wanna check the rules before this one, but there’s no better way to stop a group of old, politically-correct people dead in their tracks. Theme the colors for some extra fun. Red, White and Blue around Independence Day. Camouflage around Veteran’s Day. The possibilities are only limited by your imagination and whether or not you have a really good friend. Could you get my back, bro?
2. Starch your clothes. At one point during the filibuster, Senator Davis tried to put on a back-brace to help her stand up straight. This is cheating or something, because I imagine that it would offend many politicians who are in need of some sort of a spine, prosthetic or not. Still, you can work around this. Starch up every square inch of what you’re wearing. That way, you’ll have no choice but to stay on your feet and babble about the issues. Or fall forward. But then you could pretend to have a heart attack, further stalling the proceedings.
3. Finally, read a children’s book. This is a tactic that has actually been used in Congress before, so with a little finagling, you can make it work too. The trick is to know your audience. Let’s say, for example, you’re performing a filibuster for an average group of politicians. You wanna read something at a second grade reading level – so that the slower members can get it – but you don’t want to stifle and bore the ones who can handle third or even fourth grade level reading material. I suggest a Shel Silverstein book like The Giving Tree, but you have to make sure you read the boy’s voice in a way that’s high-pitched and kind of funny, while giving the tree a nurturing, motherly voice. This is sure to lull the older members of the group into napping your filibuster away.

These are just a few of the many things you can do to spice up your next filibuster. With a little creativity, you can play by the rules while still putting on a great show. Plus, it’d help make politics more interesting, while still keeping the process running as inefficiently as ever.

This morning, I turned on the news and was treated to my usual dose of negativity. It was all there: Syria’s an awful place to be, the government’s been looking at our email, a few people were abducted. The usual stuff. Then, they shared a story that really pulled me away from my corn flakes: Paula Deen is a racist!

Wait! What?!

As it turns out, the queen of cholesterol was accused of using racial slurs to discriminate against a number of restaurant employees. To make things worse, she actually admits to having used these words, and has done a number of racist things in the past.

Oh no! What is the world coming to?!

I’m not a fan of Ms. Deen, and I’m certainly not a fan of the negative language she has admitted to using, but the surge in attention this is getting from the media has made me think. It’s not a discussion about racism or freedom of speech. Instead, it’s one centered around a single question: Why is this news?

Let’s look at some of the social considerations people didn’t bother to fret about before. This woman has built a multimillion dollar empire on pillars of butter. Preceding her days of being a known racist, Deen was the Southern woman with big hair who cooked dishes that were, on average, 52% grease. Before we go talking about how she’s falling from the heavens, let’s acknowledge that we first put her there for teaching us how to pack macaroni and cheese around a stick of butter, wrap that in bacon, dip it in bourbon deep-frying batter, fry it, and then cover it in melted Velveeta cheese and bacon bits on cable television. The report this morning informed me that she is the head of a domain worth around 16 million dollars. She’s published a number of cookbooks that would kill you before you managed to cook your way through them. She has a new line of flavored butters coming out… maybe. We’ve seen her put countless, entire sticks of butter into sauce pans on television. We let all of this happen.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that this is news. Finding anything reported without a “holier-than-thou,” attitude is a challenge. People jump at the opportunity to sound better than someone else, especially if it’s on TV.

“There is potential for Paula Deen’s career to fall flat like a bad souffle,” said a nameless commenter during a clip aired on Good Morning America. Wasn’t that so clever? How long do you think he prepared that sentence? Ten minutes? An hour? Did he sit up the whole night before, waiting for his chance to strike? This woman is – I’m jokingly estimating – the cause of 20% of the obesity in this country, and we’re just now finding an excuse to derail her reign of saturated fat.

Allow me to tie this into my experience at the University like I should. Whether you’re an incoming freshman, or an upperclassman who still has to knock out a couple of gen eds, try to take your rhetoric classes seriously. Perhaps the most useful thing you’re required to learn at the University – and a majority of others – is how to dissect someone’s argument and make a decision for yourself. Am I saying Paula Deen shouldn’t be getting flak for her statements? No, obviously not. Instead, I’m looking outside of the entire situation, and using it as a reminder as to why you shouldn’t ignorantly allow the media to decide what makes you mad. That should be your privilege.

Are you accomplishing everything you had planned for this summer? Are you exercising regularly? Learning a programming language? Publishing regular blog posts (*cough*)? Summer’s definitely the time to get things done…

Wrong! Ha! Very funny. Wonderful joke. If anything, summer’s a 3-month justification that, unless you’re an exceptionally motivated individual (or on some sort of energy enhancing drug), you’d default to a lazy state of mind at any possible chance.  Despite what hardware store commercials tell us, summer ends up being a time of less saving and less doing.

Many students at the University are actually doing exciting and meaningful things over break. Internships. Study abroad. Volunteering. I applaud them for accomplishing stuff. They’ve made the effort to continue their exploration of the world into the warm summer days. Me? Well…actually…that’s a really funny story…

OK, so I am working at a summer internship, but the only reason I’m succeeding at it is because it’s structured. I have rules. Someone tells me what to do. It’s the lack of these regulations that makes accomplishing anything else during the summer an elusive goal for anyone who’s fortunate enough to get a break (i.e. students). What I have done has been to collect a list of things I wish I had accomplished by now.

• Learn a programming language (there’s a couple of quarter-read books on my shelf).
• Read more in general (I don’t read enough anyway, so summer should be a good excuse to start, right?).
• Learn an instrument (Luckily, to date, I’ve only pointlessly purchased a guitar).
• Write a book (To be fair, it is a lofty goal. Writing something couldn’t hurt though…).

There’s probably some deep psychological reason why I fail to accomplish things I plan to do over break. Maybe I’m actually burnt out after the school year (ha). Perhaps my brain has been wired to avoid creation and only consume products thanks to commercials (that must be it…).

I have bothered to worry about it though. That is something.

The following post is a list of cool stuff I experienced this year.

1. I learned how to read a map. Wait, what? By taking the recreational, single credit hour class “Basic Orienteering,” I was given the chance at reliving childhood dreams of being Lewis/Clark. Although I wasn’t mapping the unknown or making friends with Native Americans, I did learn how to use a map and compass to navigate around in the woods. Will I ever need this skill? Probably not. But after hiking something like 5 or 6 miles around MacBride Nature Recreation Area, I did realize more of what I’m capable of. My group used a map and compass to find 11 different markers attached to trees, and did so completely off-trail. Plus, I snapped some really cool pictures. I’d suggest taking this class if you want to re-experience a childhood running around outside, or to appreciate the beauty of Iowa nature. Whatever recreational 1-hour class you pick, just make sure you do one before you graduate.
2. Iowa City is one of the few cultural hubs in the state, which means we get a ton of cool shows. Aziz Ansari, Bo Burnham, Michael Ian Black, and Seth Meyers were a few of the speakers/performers I managed to see this year. There were countless others that graced the city with their talents and craft, not to mention a lot of musical talent that visited. I even managed to organize and participate in a comedy show at Public Space 1 (the stand-up’s getting there…). Before you dive into actual adulthood, be sure to do something artsy in Iowa City.
3. Finally, I type this last point with tears rolling on to my keyboard (*sniff). Not really, but the last big point I’m going to mention involves the general academic opportunities I’ve been afforded at the University of Iowa. I (finally) made the effort to make friends with a TA, and the knowledge and outlook I learned from them has helped me grow a lot over the last few months. When junior-year talks about college started way back in high school, a lot of my classmates were concerned about becoming lost in the numbers of a large university. Iowa is a pretty big place, but you can stand out if you make the effort. The many opportunities to get involved make it seem a lot smaller.

Did you know Iowa was capable of this? Do you see the face?

I’m pretty pumped for the next two years.

-Adam

Enjoy the uncomfortably lame play on words I put into the title of this post, because it’s going to be a serious one. As finals week approaches (which I just figured out to be a little over a week from today-the long winter break had me confused), study spaces around campus fill up with students learning (or, hopefully relearning) everything covered over the frigid semester. You’ll also see paper cups of coffee, cans of Redbull, lazy-mood sweatpants, Pinterest scrolling, and giant headphones. The rule of thumb is that the more you bring along to play with while studying, the less you’ll actually learn. My advice? Keep your study times shorter and more productive.

This isn’t a suggestion directed towards someone who can actually focus on studying for long hours at a time. If you can stay up all night focusing on organic chemistry and actually learn, you’re way ahead of the game. For the rest of us (like this semi-ADD stricken blogger), instead of having long periods of time switching between Facebook and mindlessly copied lecture notes, try limiting how long you study. Take what you could casually study in two hours and cram it into one. Then allow your brain to process the information for an hour while you do something you enjoy.

Now obviously, you may not want to study on and off between hours (unless that helps, everyone is different like snowflakes, or whatever we learned about in pre-K), but you can use more condensed study hours as an excuse to indulge in incentives. Go see a movie (there’s a lot of good stuff out right now). Go swimming at the rec. Take the time to go play with some dogs (keep your eyes peeled, they’ll be in the library during or right before finals week). And do all those things knowing that you’ve put in a solid 2-3 hours of uninterrupted and focused work.

This time of the semester is supposed to be stressful, but that doesn’t mean you have to pretend that you’re studying for 8 hours at the library. It means you can make an excuse to play with a doggy.

Keep strong. There’s only 2 weeks left.

-Adam

This post isn’t super related to college life or the University, but it is something I feel like discussing.

On the commercial for “21 and Over,” there’s a quote claiming that the movie is “the missing link between ‘Superbad’ and ‘The Hangover’.” Googling it, the quote came from an IGN review that’s quite positive and fairly admits that the movie isn’t for everyone. Here’s my movie idea, as the missing link between “21 and Over” and “The Hangover.”
-two 30 year old guys want to open a bar or something, but they have no idea how to do it. They enlist the help of third friend who has judgmental in-laws visiting or a big interview or anything someone with half a brain would take seriously the next day. They have a crazy night, going to every bar or wherever to learn something or whatever. Sexual stuff happens, people get hurt, crude jokes are peppered in everywhere. By the next day, the third with the obligation decides he’s above expectation. The two open a bar or whatever and it works out great.-

Or as an equation:

(2 people who want something) + (3rd friend with obligation) + (Crude and Sexual, Shock value, Humor) = (Goal achieved + Friend with obligation has realization) + (-$10 in your wallet)

If you follow this simple equation, you can claim your idea is clever and original. In fact, you can claim it’s a groundbreaking as two actually clever and original movies.

If you want to use my above idea, go ahead. Take it. I’ll think of another one in five minutes if need be.

I took a visit to the local open mic event held every Monday night at Iowa City’s Yacht Club… and was pleasantly surprised. Doing comedy several times last semester (and only twice at the Yacht Club), I had a sense that things were pretty slow in Iowa City. However, after taking a visit last night, some great things are happening in the dungeon hidden by a colonial style building.

For starters, there was a crowd. One that wasn’t just comedians (as I had expected). I didn’t stand and count, but I was blown away by the numbers. People had actually come out to see others perform their craft on stage. And they were receptive too! The night flowed smoothly, everyone got laughs, and it wasn’t overly intimidating (something Open Mics tend to be).

Another great thing is that the venue become a safe haven for anyone thinking about trying stand-up comedy. Even if it’s your first time up, the crowd is supportive and applauds you as you scamper off the stage. If you’ve ever thought about doing comedy, at all, the Catacombs of Comedy are a great way to try it out.

All these things being said, I made a logistical blunder that kept me from going on stage. I had worked up the courage all day, polished all of my jokes so they were ready to go… and then missed the role call that happens before the show. Sign up starts around 9 P.M., and I think (and should make sure) that they hold a meeting a half hour later to see if everyone’s still there and ready to go. So if you want to perform, sign up at 9 and then stick around. If you’re just there to watch and have a good time (although everyone does), the event starts at 10.

It isn’t always the cleanest humor, but everyone has great ideas, and supporting your open mic is a good way to make life less boring.