Meg

I’ve recently become aware that there are four stages of Culture Shock. The first is the Honeymoon phase, when everything that is encountered in the new place is viewed through rose tinted spectacles and with a feeling of fascination. Eventually, the Honeymoon phase passes into the Negotiation stage. It has been reported that for Study Abroad Students, the Negotiation phase manifests itself in the form of loneliness, frustration and confusion. The lack of immediate parental support and sudden distancing of close and intimate friendships can leave them feeling isolated and on occasion regretful of their decision to leave home. Things that ought to feel familiar and old hat are suddenly brand new and not functioning in a way that is expected. However, the second stage doesn’t last and it gradually morphs into the third phase, Adjustment. The Adjustment phase brings with it the realisation that everything is not as scary and confusing as perhaps it was first thought. Solving problems becomes easier and dealing with the small everyday tasks, that had previously felt daunting and seemingly unfeasible, becomes manageable. The final phase is Mastery. By the time the final phase is achieved, the person can almost call themselves bicultural. They still retain their home’s culture and traits but they have become so accustomed to the host country’s lifestyle that they could almost proclaim it as their own way of life.

I spent the first two weeks of my American adventure happily burrowed inside the Honeymoon bubble. I loved the people, I loved the weather, I loved the architecture, I loved the food, I loved the city itself. I loved everything. I think I expressed my adoration quite sufficiently in my previous post ‘It’s Not Culture Shock, It’s Love’-clearly I was wrong about this. I have now been away from home for three weeks exactly. And the Honeymoon phase has passed. When I arrived I thought I would never feel anything but amazement and enthrallment but I would be lying if I said that everything was perfect all the time. I still love America, and I get the feeling that ours is going to be a long and generally happy relationship, but it has not prevented the presence of the Negotiation stage entering my life. I had convinced myself that it would be the same as my first year of University in England. I was positive that within the first week I would have made firm and lasting friendships with all the people living along my corridor. They would be my new family, the American counterparts to those 20 brilliant people from my Residence Block in England that made my Fresher’s year so memorable. But in reality I had to realise that these girls I now live with had come here with completely different perceptions of college life than I had. They were less concerned about making strong friendships with the students in the next room as they first had to adjust to and make close bonds with their roommates – something that we in Britain do not typically expect to encounter at Uni. I have a single room here too so it is not something I have ever had to experience.

But I don’t believe it is something to feel disheartened about. Even if I haven’t had the greatest success at making friends in the dorms I am undoubtedly sure to find kindred spirits in my classes and the clubs I join; if my peers have chosen the same classes I have then surely we will have things in common. I decided even before I arrived in Iowa that I would not make the same mistakes as I did at my home University. Two years ago I was too excited learning about my 20 new friends in the block, so much so that I did not feel the need to push myself to meet people in my classes nor did I feel the need to join societies to socialise. What did I need casual acquaintances for when I had an entire building full of fun people? I feel the reason that the Negotiation loneliness has hit me so hard is because I have been comparing my experience here with my experience from home. I don’t have a block full of friends but I have other things instead. I have met so many lovely people. I have been invited to House Parties and had offers to have someone join me in attending Ballroom Dancing classes. I’ve possibly got a friend who’ll come swimming with me on a regular basis. I’ve met people who love Doctor Who and want me to join them for a marathon watching session. I’ve found a girl who texts me on an evening to see if I’m hungry so that we can go to the cafeteria together so that we don’t have to eat alone. I’ve met other international students who I might make travel plans with so that we can explore America together. They aren’t my friends from England. These people don’t live down the hall or on the floor beneath. They won’t be cooking in the kitchen when I get home from lectures (possibly because we don’t have a kitchen). They won’t sit on the stairs with me and play ´øˆøgames or have water fights or do heaven knows what to the only ironing board in the building (I’m not sure it was even functional by the end of the first semester). But I realise now that I shouldn’t expect them to. I have made friends and they are completely different to my friends from home. As such we need to make some new memories, our own memories. Once we’ve started to do that I think the process of passing from Negotiation to Adjustment will be so much smoother.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 8th, 2014 at 7:56 am and is filed under General, . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.